Doris Gentry

“My mom was a brothel owner. She made her living through abducting and molesting. From 2 up to 14 years old, my sister and I were molested from Illinois, to Maryland, to Florida, and California – all around the US. My mom never actually sold us, but she was always being arrested. That left us in the hands of those who would do that kind of illicit stuff.” Doris says.

To deal with this type of trauma, Doris said she would disassociate and enter into a trance like state. “When someone is harming you in this way, you check out. In your mind, you are skipping rocks at the creek or playing on the gym set at school. Then, you have a recovery process, and it happens all over again. Even now, at my age, there are entire years of my life where I have no clue. I only remember a man coming in and then it goes dark.”

Doris Gentry is the Vice Mayor of Napa Valley. She is a living example of Grace in action. Doris did not allow these atrocious acts to kill her spirit and credits the fact that she is still alive solely to the grace of God.

She lives her life by a simple code, a phrase that descended upon her in the midst of extreme turmoil when she was 14 years old:

“I call it the buck up, suck up, get up and go. I tell this to all of my foster kids.”

Doris has been fostering teenagers since she moved to Napa 32 years ago and teaches other parents at the Napa Valley Collage on how to deal with the challenges of raising a child who is angry and has been abandoned.

“There will come a point when they will misbehave. At that time, I will say to them, ‘Now you listen to me. You are on a path right now and you’ve got two roads. One is going to lead you to drugs, alcohol, crime, and prison. The other one is where you realize there is nobody on some white horse that is going to come get you. There is nobody out there. You are on your own. Now, are you going to buck up, suck up, get up and go and carve out your own future? Or are you going to sit there and allow life to create your story? Because if you do not write your own story, someone else will. You make that choice.’”

Doris was 14 years old. She had been abused and molested for 12 years, and a fire began to grow within her heart. She was starting to become defiant and to resist being treated this way, until one day a client decided to teach her a lesson.

“It is claimed that 80% of children that get involved in sex trafficking are foster kids. You see, traffickers are looking for children who have low self-esteem. They don’t want a spitfire. They want someone who has been beaten down by life, someone who won’t buck up.” Doris says.

“That day when I was being defiant, I was resisting, and the clients weren’t happy. So, they decided to teach me a lesson. I remember every minute of it. They beat me, tied me to a chair, and cut my hair down to the scalp. There was blood everywhere. And that’s when it happened. It was like a wall went up when they were beating me, and I told myself, ‘That’s it. That’s it. I will get out of here now, or I will die trying.’”

Doris was immediately filled with an unimaginable power and strength.

“I believe my power came from God. He empowered me to buck up, suck up, get up and go. And that’s exactly what I did. I’ve lived my whole life that way from that moment on. I escaped the following day and was never molested again.”

Doris was homeless for a while, on the streets of Hollywood. She worked dead-end jobs and tried to get by as best she could. During that period of her life, she discovered a fundamental truth, “People don’t want to be around people who smell. I learned that smell was a powerful motivator.” With that realization in mind, she began utilizing the local bathrooms at gas stations to clean herself up. From there, she landed a job at a local bankruptcy employment agency.

Little did she know that this job was about to completely transform her trajectory in an unimaginably large way…

Doris went to work at a bankruptcy employment agency in Los Angeles. She was in her early 20’s at the time and was responsible for hiring day labor men to work the assembly lines at the Compton Industrial Park. Corporations such as YKK zipper, Hitachi, and Sanyo did not export this work to China or Japan at that time. The parts would come to the states, along with instructions, and the products were assembled within these line operations.

Doris was responsible for ensuring that they had workers to fulfill these jobs. “If you are missing even one person, the entire assembly line shuts down. You have to have bodies, so we hired ‘day labor’ men to fulfill these jobs. We would pay cash daily.”

At 3am every morning, Doris would go in the back alley to see who was interested in working that day. “These were homeless men. They were absolutely filthy, with decayed teeth and smelt of urine and vomit.”

Doris remembered the valuable lesson she learned when she was living on the streets. “Smell is a very powerful motivator, and no one wants to be around someone who smells.”

“I would ask the men, ‘Who wants a job?’ They replied, ‘Yeah, I want a job.’ ‘Ok then, you come with me.’” Doris took them to the bathroom and taught them a hygiene routine. “It was not that I was being inhumane to them, I simply taught them what had worked for me. I told them to strip down, take this bar of Ivory soap and wash their clothes in the toilet. I had one toothbrush and one razor for a handful of men. I told them that if they could clean themselves up, I would give them the best job. And that’s exactly what I did.”

Before you know it, the men were fighting to get the best job. What started as 3 men per shift, quickly grew to 6, then 9, and eventually 12 men per shift. “What happened was Hitachi, Sanyo, and all those companies started getting my clean men who smelled like Tide and started increasing their orders.”

Doris was doubling the hours needed every week. She was offered 5% of the company, then became ½ owner, and eventually became the sole owner of this employment agency.

“I grew the company to 2700 men a week working on those jobs. I helped these men rebuild their lives. They showed up every week and learned their spot on the line. After a few weeks, many of these companies would hire them from me and now had a permanent employee. I taught these men some stability and what had worked for me – buck up, suck up, get up and go!”

At 22 years old, Doris sold her company for 1 million dollars. During her time there, she discovered that she had a particular talent for mathematics. “An assembly line is a simple mathematical order and I had worked on a thousand of them. Whether you are making baby food, or pet food, or assembling some widget, the assembly line is mathematically always put together the same.”

Doris took her money and doubled down on her skills. She moved to Illinois and started investment banking.

“I would buy broken companies and fix their assembly lines. In many cases, the guy who invented the widget didn’t know anything about manufacturing, marketing, or taxes. I would buy the company, reorganize it until it became profitable, or see what they were doing, take their patent and add them to another product line for a different company I owned. “

Doris expanded and opened offices in St. Louis, Chicago, and Washington D.C. In D.C, she got connected with the Small Business Administration and became one of the original women who were a part of the Women’s Entrepreneur Institute of the SBA.

“Back then, women were considered a minority and were just emerging into the workforce. It was very risqué for a man to say that his wife works. I was on the forefront of that change. I traveled all over the Midwest, speaking at college campuses, teaching women how to buck up, suck up, get up and go. I would encourage women to go out and do it, learn from their mistakes, and fulfill their dreams, whatever they may be, whether it’s a beauty salon, or lamp store, or jewelry business, just do it. What have you got to lose?!”

 
32 years ago, Doris moved to Napa to retire. “I had planned on cleaning my linen closet and sorting through my recipes, but that lasted for about a second.” She says with a smile.

“People told me that I was great with kids because I was frank and direct. I had a big home with a lot of rooms too, so I decided to become a foster mom. I got my license and before I knew it, I had 6 teenage boys, and started being mom.” Doris says with great pride.

“These young men don’t want to be in your home. They did not ask to come to your home. They just saw their mom getting arrested and have lost everything that is familiar to them - their friends, neighbors, and pets. These are children who have been disenfranchised, whose parents have let them down and chose drugs over them. Worse yet, they now have to conform to rules. They came from a world of no rules and now they have to conform to rules. One of them is, we seize all technology in their bedroom – no tablets, phones, laptops, or TV, just a radio.

Within a few weeks of discipline and routine, they start feeling better and begin doing better. They stop worrying about when dinner is, because it’s always at 6pm.”

Doris has fostered many young men throughout the years and now teaches other future foster parents at the Napa Valley College. Most of her kids have moved on to build good careers and families for themselves. Every Sunday she will host a big dinner for them and their families. All are invited. It’ll only be a matter of time before one of them says, “You gotta buck up, suck up, get up and go.”

“They always remember that.” Doris said.

“I always taught them that nobody is going to walk through their front door and hand them a publisher’s clearing house check for a million dollars. It’s just not happening. You have to carve your own way. You have to make your own path. I used to ask them to draw out what their life looked like in 10 years. Some would draw a grave, but I would tell them that they could change that painting. I would ask them where they would like to be and get them to start dreaming again. Children naturally dream. These kids come to our home so hopeless, we want to help them dream again.”

Doris brought six teenage boys to Disney on Ice at the Oakland Coliseum.

“They were 16, 17, and 18 – big boys, with piercings and all that stuff. And they were like, ‘What’s this?! Who wants to watch a bunch of skaters?! This is stupid!! We are not going to watch Disney, we’re not little kids.’

They were grumbling the whole way there. Finally, we get there, and my husband parks the truck.” The boys look out the window and as far the eye can see, notice vast amounts of mommies holding the hands of their 5 to 6-year-old little girls.

“There are a thousand mommies walking with these little girls in pink Tootoos, ballet shoes, and princess tiaras.” The boys sink down in their seats, pull their hoodies over their head, and exclaim, “HELL NO! I’m NOT going! You can’t make us leave this truck!”

Doris’s husband glances over to her and gives her a look that says, “You’ve got this, I’m not touching that.”

The boys continue to grumble as Doris figures out what to say. “It’s mutiny. It’s TOTAL mutiny. Finally, in my big, dad voice, I turn around and say, ‘Has anybody ever been to Disney on Ice!?’” All the boys look at her and say, “NO!”

And with great conviction and an intense force of love in her voice, Doris said, “Alright then, this is a rite of passage. EVERY child has been to Disney on Ice. Every child. I’m sorry that your mom never took you, but I’m taking you now. You will get out of this truck…NOW!”

“I don’t know how it happened, but the doors flew open, and the boys started coming out. They tightened up their hoodies, trying to hide everything but their eyes, and we walked into the Coliseum.

We finally get to our seat. My husband and I purchased seats directly behind them, so we could watch them. We were on the front row of the upper balcony. So, I’m watching them. I mean, these guys will tear things up. They kept their hoodies crunched up tight and they slouched down in their seats. The lights go out, the music comes on, and the first skater comes out.

In no time, their hoodies come off and they all lean up against the railing. They were mesmerized. I see them moving, leaning into the music, and loving the entire show. Can you imagine!? This is the first time they have ever been to live theatre. They’ve never been to a Warrior’s or King’s game. Nothing. And here they are, in the front row of Disney on Ice, and they are in it!” Doris says with a heart of joy.

The show eventually ends. The lights come up and everyone gathers their things. As they all left, the boys reverted back to their grumbling, and told Doris that it was horrible that she made them go, but in her heart of hearts, Doris knew that it had touched them deeply.

Eight years later, her doorbell rings. “I opened the door and standing in front of me is this beautiful man with his wife and 3-year-old little girl in a princess tiara. They all smile, and he shows me 3 tickets. And he says, ‘Mom, I told my wife that this is a rite of passage, that we are supposed to take our daughter to see Disney on Ice.’ He was SO proud. After a moment, he looked at me and said, ‘I’m a good dad.’

And I said, ‘You’re right, I always told you that you were going to be a good dad.’”